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Current Music:fidelity; Regina Spektor
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Subject:I'm done with updating my livejournal
Time:01:06 am
there's just too much drama, artificiality, and megalomania going on. I'll still keep it to do communities and to just have a record of a chapter of my life...maybe I'll start it up again one day, but for now I just couldn't care less.

I still read my friends page, though, to keep in touch. I love you all :)


fuckballs
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Current Music:NOT bluegrass
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Time:07:05 pm
Current Mood:drainedsooo...tired...
I'm so sick of being in a rut. I feel like I changed since I went to NCSA, but that none of my experiences at Weaver are living up to that. Everything's too normal; my standards have been raised too high. My friends are falling apart and my concentration is waning. I feel like I could be myself there, and people didn't pass judgment on each other (mostly), and nobody resented anyone else. Maybe because it was a state of elation that we knew wouldn't last forever...maybe because we were all in a strange environment and wanted these new, intriguing strangers to like us. Whatever it was, it felt right to me...and now I'm being accused of wanting to go there my senior year for perverse reasons.

I want to dance in the rain and sleep on the elephants and wear comfy pants and jazz shoes every day. I want the focus circles, the crazy teachers, the cinnamon rolls for 50 cents. I want the dances where EVERYONE was having a good time and going crazy and looking ridiculous. I want to sing my heart out to Coldplay and Moulin Rouge in between classes with people who know every single word.Collapse ) I want the new experiences that came with every day, the energy and dedication that comes from giving up five weeks of your summer just to act. I want the good vibes, the independence, the challenges. I want to take ONE BIG RISK...living on my own...before I leave for college. I want to be confindent and not question myself all the time. And now I'm being denied all this. Because I'm forgetful. And messy. And unorganized. The opposing argument seems a bit weak.

EDIT: Having someone to commiserate helps significantly.
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Time:10:33 am
it's been one year.

hehe

hard to believe.

<3
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Current Music:Portions for Foxes - Rilo Kiley
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Subject:all I gotta live off is free, free lovin'
Time:08:37 pm
It has been concluded from a recent study that chemical imbalance of the brain does not exist. Which means we're all not as crazy as they made us believe. We've annually fed them literally billions of dollars in return for a wasting away process from the consumption of addictive force-fed medications. We feed them, they feed us. Its a simple business cycle with very few questions asked. The medications tell us that we're "ok". But all I want to know at this point is, whose hurting who? Maybe, subconsciously, emotional scars run a tad too deep. We are fine.
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Current Music:The Mooney Suzuki
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Time:08:39 pm
Dear Teenage Drama,
You are unnecessary and hurtful and greedy, and I think we should stop seeing eachother. I admit, you were secretly intriguing at first, but I really want nothing more to do with you now. I feel like I'm losing my friends, and I think it's mainly because I've spending too much time with you. Sorry it has to be this way, but I've moved on. I'd appreciate it if you stayed away from my group of friends, as well...too many people have suffered from this relationship. Don't be upset, we both knew this had to happen. Besides, I'm sure you'll find someone new in no time. You usually do...you're very attractive.

Love,
Allie
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Current Music:Jack Johnson
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Subject:taking a vacation from LJ for a while...
Time:05:02 pm
Current Mood:crankycranky
Still undecided on this year. It certainly isn't last year, so it has to be better or worse...and which one of these two extremes remains unclear. I like all my teachers except Sonnricker, who hates me and blames me for everything. But I only really enjoy English and Drama. Actually learning in acting class has gotten much better, but so much that I feel like it's unnecessary historic information rather than method.

I also have this terrible feeling that the shows will be terrible. I can't explain it, but from looking at the cast list...I think it was a bit of a rushed, type-cast decision. I'm Julia in Island, which will be fun to do, I guess. But once again...I'm the in-love ingenue. Par usual. Well, at least I get to do comedy.

And I've decided that I'm also trying out for Pippin. This means that for three days out of the week, I will have rehearsals from 4 to 10. Plus Interact. Plus voice lessons. Plus two AP classes. So basically, no social life for Allie until mid-November.

This weekend should be good though...Last Five Years, Nunsense sleepover, Avett Brothers, Scoggins family cookout. Enjoy the outside world while I can, I suppose...because after next week I'll only see the insides of classrooms, rehearsal rooms, and my room. I don't know why I do this to myself every year. Probably because I love chaos so much.
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Current Music:Gold to Me
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Subject:perceptions of amazing love
Time:08:56 pm
Current Mood:discontentdiscontent
for some reason my last entry didn't show up on many people's friends page. Oh well, I didn't say much, anyway.

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) I'll pick a meal to cook for you.
9) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.
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Current Music:mum
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Subject:schedule
Time:08:59 pm
Current Mood:annoyedno one's answering their phone
1st semester
1-SAT prep
2-Adv Functions & Models
3-AP English/US
4-Honors Adv Theater

2nd semester
1-Environmental Science
2-Spanish II
3-AP English/US
4-Theater Lab

Anyone have classes with me?
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Subject:summer is almost over
Time:02:21 pm
Current Mood:contemplativecontemplative
First, let me say that last entry was so much fun! Even the mean one made me laugh...after a while. I really appreciated everyone's comments, and for the most part, it was a wonderful little pick-me-up. Now the only problem is, I'm dying to know who everyone was. Oh well...on to the point of this post...

This summer. It has been hard, exhilarating, eye-opening, painful, hilarious, it has been a whirlwind. I won't be melo-dramatic and say it has been life changing, but this has certainly been a summer of tremendous growth. I've watched people around me completely transform in a matter of months...even if it may have stung at first. And I've realized that everything really does happen for a reason. When we're hurt, it forces us to re-evaluate ourselves, and in that process, change can finally take place. This summer has done me a world of good. In love, in maturity, courage, forgiveness, speakingupstandingtallreachingout...and in independence. I think I may be turning over a new leaf...or inspecting it with immense anticipation, at the very least.

On a random note, I was looking through my pictures today, and found this little gemCollapse )
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Current Music:Fall - Devendra Banhart
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Time:03:37 pm
Current Mood:boredbored
Post anything that you want in comments and post it anonymously, without leaving your name. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love -- anything. Also, include what you think of me. Good, bad, whatever. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others) have to say. Be honest.
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[icon] Waiting to find what has yet to be discovered...
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